Saying Good-bye and memories

Monday, June 27, 2011 AnnMarie Brown 6 Comments


Thinking back 20 years ago I never thought of this day coming.



Twenty years ago I was holding a beautiful little baby girl with dark hair and the most beautiful green eyes you ever did see. She was my baby girl. She was a very big baby at almost 10lbs and for those of you who know my daughter I realize that is hard to believe... but she really was that big. I remember her first day for gymnastics how shy she was and then when it came to the tumbling she took off tumbling like crazy.

The baseball playoffs championship game... she was playing t-ball.... she hadn't hit the ball all year and everyone came in really close ... the game was tied and I know most people didn't have a hope that she would hit the ball.... you could hear the silence and then I yelled, "Concentrate, you can do it" and low and behold she did it... she hit the ball over everyone's head getting the runners in and winning the game for her team. She didn't even know what to do once she hit the ball because she had never hit it all year... she stood there amazed.

I go back to grade 5 often.... she had a wonderful teacher.... one who knew how hard she worked to get the grades she did. She was diagnosed with Dyslexia in grade 1 and we worked so hard with her to get her back on track and being able to read properly. She worked really hard. When the end of the year came for grade 5 I got a call from the teacher who was asking me if I planned on attending the awards assembly. I really hadn't thought much about it but she told me I needed to be there but didn't tell me why. So off I went to the awards assembly. I was sitting there when they were giving out the awards for grade 5. They called up the winner of the citizenship award and they called her name, I was so proud. Then came the academic awards and to my surprise they called her name then 6 kids were asked to stay, my daughter being one of them. The teacher said that these children had earned Honours standing that year and what an accomplishment it was.. etc. But my daughter was still up there. My daughter! I could feel her grade 2 teacher looking at me ... I must have been sitting there with my mouth open looking like a fool but I could feel the tears flowing down my face and to this day I get teary when I think about that day. My daughter who was diagnosed with Dyslexia was getting honours only 4 years later.

She went on to highschool where she had many accomplishments and I was so proud of her. She went on to study fine arts at a local highschool in the next city that required her to get up at 6:00am for 2 years to get on a bus for 6:30am. Talk about dedication. Not sure if I would have been able to do it but she did.
She has been accepted to university in Toronto where she will be studying Design. I am so proud of her accomplishments. She is going to live her dream. It truly warms a momma's heart.

On to the Good Bye Part....

Now that this day is only days away it is sure messing with me emotionally. What may you ask is this day? Well it is the day my oldest daughter moves out to a much bigger city and much further away then my son did a year ago. Maybe that is why it is hitting me so hard. I know my son is about half an hour away in a city I am familiar with not far from family but my daughter is moving to a city where there is no family, no mom or dad, there will be friends there though.

This is harder then I could have ever imagined. I am keeping a brave face as I watch her excitement of going out on her own to new and fun experiences. We will still be communicating via text messages, skype and cell phones. Thank goodness for cellphones and social media.

I thought saying good bye on that first day of junior kindergarten was hard but this good bye is one that has me speechless for the most part. My daughter will have two roommates and already has a job waiting for her but it is not making it any easier on the mommy.

I have known every night when she was in bed that she was safe.... it is no longer going to be something I will know on a daily basis. I know I will touch base with her a fair bit when she has moved via text. My job is to support her with what she wants to do and be there for her no matter what all of which I plan to do but it is going to take some getting used to.

July 1st is Canada Day where we celebrate Canada's Birthday but it is a day where I will not feel like celebrating anything because my little girl is leaving home. Before you say anything she will always be my little girl no matter how old she gets.

I have written a letter I plan on leaving on her bed before I walk out the door of her apartment. I love her and she knows it. She knows I will go to the ends of the earth for her. She can call me for anything and I will support her any hour of the day.

I have decided that Good-bye is not a word I want to say... so in the words of an incredible man, my grandfather, who touched my life in so many ways....

Mooshka my dear daughter, forever and always!